dissecting friendship......

This entry is dedicated to the hundreds of wonderful friends out there (didn't realize I had so many!) who have given me the strength to go on the journey, with the guidance of God

Recently one of my well-wishers admittedly criticized me for the definition of friendship I had posted on my blog lately. Since I could not however reply back since the well-wisher had posted the feedback anonymously I could somehow not responded back directly to him/her.

Coming back to it - friendship is a feeling that can be in described in 100 possible ways with anyone being as accurate as the other is describing the sentiments involved in it.

There can be many a number of definitions about friendship but to me it’s just sticking together through the thick and thin of life and not running away at the least opportune moment. I had some many definitions of everything as I grew up – friendship at 10 was different to friendship when I was 20 and it’s evolved to something that will, I guess will stay permanently.

I have discovered lately that some people whom I have perceived all these years to be true to me - are not. Disappointment, sadness, hurt and…...ironically blessed as someone told me that I should feel fortunate to discover this earlier and not later. Overnight, my old friends 'downgraded' to just an acquaintance or as better described by that same someone, fair-weather friends. At the same time there have been a couple of friends who have “upgraded” to the status of best friends for life – and I am damn lucky for that I guess.

Well I guess like every other self-respecting Indian I prefer to die fighting rather than running away. That’s the approach, I guess to true friendship – being there all the time, every time.

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driving: up the wall.......

Disclaimer: “First off, I don’t hate women–I’m no misogynist. How can I hate women, my Mum’s one”

okay I would be dragged my moral police and feminists alike when I make this particular statement but my general observation is that a majority of women as a % of population behind the wheels of a car make really pathetic drivers. Well the belief was always there somewhere in the back of my mind seeing my mom drive or even my friends behid the wheel s of her Santro in Delhi or recently my better half who has recently got her license in Pune. Well it happened a week back as I was there with her on her final day’s lesson (we were about to go to a place after that – hence I had chugged along with her) – what unfolded in the next 1 hour left me at my wits end. The play behind the wheels, the utmost effort that was put in to change the gears (hey in India 95% and more cars have manual transmission) and the propensity to swerve and hit equally game bikes on both sides on the road (in equally traffic-crazed Pune) left me praying. Well the act was repeated later by another woman in her 30s.

What is it about women that makes them such bad drivers? I came up with three answers:

• Women make up the “fair” sex. They are taught, or are naturally predisposed, to be more passive and deferential than men. While these personality traits help in some aspects of life, they don’t help at 80 km/hr. A good driver is an assertive driver. He (or she) sees that the other drivers are going much faster and that he’ll have to eventually be going the same speed, so he speeds up accordingly. Women are naturally inclined to slow down and let the others pass - males do tend to be more aggressive drivers than women, but I don’t think there are nearly as many or that they pose quite the same risk as do passive women drivers.
• Women are communicators. Their personal relationships with other women rely a great deal on verbal communication. As such they’re more likely to be on the phone while driving their cars. I’m sure I don’t need to mention the numerous conclusive studies showing that phone conversations and driving don’t mix. I could also point to the numerous other things I’ve seen women doing while driving (applying makeup, brushing hair) but these are easily offset by the stupid things guys attempt at the wheel (smoking rings, picking noses - etc).
• Women are less likely to grow up playing sports in India. As a general rule, athletics aren’t stressed as much for women as for they are for men. And this, I think, is the biggest difference. It is very easy to make a distinction between someone who spent long hours as a child learning a sport and someone who did not. Two key differences also apply when driving a car: spatial awareness and decision making. Sports heighten one’s sense of his surroundings. In team sports like crickey and football you have to constantly update your assessment of where other players are in relation to the ball and yourself. In individual sports like tennis you have to pay attention to your bodily momentum, the spin of the ball, and the angle of the shot. Spatial awareness is also important when driving a car. At any given moment you have to be thinking about where the other cars are situated on the road and where they’re likely to be when you decide to switch lanes or hang a U-turn. Being able to anticipate where other cars will move makes for safe driving. Split-second decisions are a second hallmark of most competitive sports (again excepting track and field). Being able to make a decision quickly comes in handy when you come across a freakish call-center cab driver waltzing through traffic behind you. I think that playing sports as a child helps to fine tune the senses, and it’s just common sense that practice makes perfect.

While it would be easy to dismiss the above statements as sexist hogwash, I think that there is an element of truth to each. And although women and men are on more equal footing than ever before, societal norms still create enough differences to support my arguments. That being said, I don’t really want anyone to accept them at face value…I really enjoy a good argument. So keep it coming.

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life: as is……..

well some years back a particular movie caught the fancy of most of my friends in IIT Delhi. The movie ‘Life in a Metro’, narrates the individual lives of a few ordinary people living in Mumbai and deals with topics like extra-marital affairs, sanctity of marriage, and love, failures, tragedy, happiness & so on. Though a ordinary film with lots of flaws in production & direction - the film somehow touched one and many – probably due to the failures that one face in life and maybe the happiness, ultimately when (like in a typical hindi movie) everything turns out fine at the end.

In reflect often why failures are important in life and why does a normal human being attach so much importance to failures. I am no different with my fair share of failures in life. It got me thinking this weekend as I went through over 700 kms of travel over tons of laid out uneven gravel, that we call roads in India. As my family managed to doze off amidst the rocking of the Chevvy – my mind raced through as I relived every moment of my life as it had been played out in the last 27 years. And gosh that was something.

Life comes in certain packages and our past is more or less a part of that package. When I say past, the only thing that comes to our mind are often unpleasant and bitter memories. We all must have dealt with it at some point in our life, but we never seem to come out of it. When I recall an era of my life, the only things that come to my mind are my mistakes. It puzzles me all the time that why is it that, I regret my mistakes so much that i almost forget to acknowledge my own achievements? Why is it that we always end up regretting our mistakes all our life? And I am not really talking about the end (i.e. end of life when these things hardly matter anymore)

My dear friend had an altogether different take on that. According to her she never regretted making mistakes because if she wouldn't have made them, she would have never known how to correct them. Though it sounds very sweet, but I was never convinced with her theory. Another cousin of mine thinks time is the best healer and everything settles down with time. I really don’t think so because if this was the case she would have long gotten over her first love. From where I see she is still in the ruins of her past relationship.

In my search for the truth, I happened to read something. According to it the only path to liberation is truth and the truth is, “YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE HOPE THAT THE PAST COULD BE ANY DIFFERENT ".

This is the best thing I have heard in ages. I don’t know if it liberated me but it certainly took off the baggage I had been carrying for years.

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hypocrisy_the indian way of life…!!!!

Pronunciation: \hi-ˈpä-krə-sē also hī-\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural hy·poc·ri·sies

Etymology: Middle English ypocrisie, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, from hypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide — more at certain

Date: 13th century

1: a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially: the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion

2: an act or instance of hypocrisy

Why do I start this piece today with a definition picked up from Merriam’s – just read on. I was deep in thought reflecting on a plausible future for myself as I was It is a peculiarly Indian form of reasoning: to flat out deny the existence of reprehensible practices in the face of incontrovertible evidence. While the common man has been facing a hostile barrage of rising prices across all items of daily use be it food grains or even cooking gas – I was bewildered because the politicians (read central government) had been blaming the state governments and their policies for the situation – no one was owning up or even trying to bring into picture the bigger cause of global inflation and food shortfall. And while the ignorant “common” Indian man was blaming everyone else for the inflation, the politicians try every trick in the book to suppress the problem or even the peoples voices & opinions at least till the next election.

The new “next best thing” – hold the innocuous cheerleaders responsible for indecent show and criminal acts of indecency. Net result the irresponsible media (read seemingly irresponsible Indian channels headed probably by stupid men admittedly suffering from a bout of intellectual diarroea) airing news about how the common man has been affected by lewd movements of the cheerleaders and how the Mumbai police & politicians were responsible enough to act up and prosecute the cheerleaders.

This coming from the state which has dance bars operating in bandstand in Mumbai let alone Navi Mumbai. This coming from a land from which Kamasutra originated.

I am bewildered why a common Indian man not differentiate between indecency & entertainment (read acts of levity). When will we grow up?

PS: This post is not indented to be of manipulate intent - social, political or religious. Any objection will be seriously considered that may prompt the author to take this off.

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fallen heroes......

"Learn to live in this world with self-respect. You should always cherish some ambition to do something in this world. They alone rise who strive. Some of you nurse the wrong notion that you will not rise in this world. But remember that the age of helplessness has ended. A new epoch has set in. All things are now possible because of your being able to participate in the Politics & Legislatures of this country"

- B.R. Ambedkar

I start this post with a quote from Babasaheb Ambedkar whose birthday happens to be today i.e. 14^th April. For the uninitiated, Dr. Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar (April 14, 1891 — December 6, 1956) was an Indian jurist, scholar, Bahujan political leader and a Buddhist revivalist, who is the chief architect of the Indian Constitution. Born into a poor “Untouchable” community, Ambedkar spent his life fighting against the system of Chaturvarna and the Indian caste system. He is also credited for having sparked the Dalit Buddhist movement. Ambedkar has been honoured with the Bharat Ratna, India's highest civilian award, given for the highest degree of national service.

Overcoming numerous social and financial obstacles, Ambedkar became one of the first "untouchables" to obtain a college education in India. He went on to pursue higher studies in Columbia University, New York, United States and England, where he earned law degrees and multiple doctorates for his study and research in law, economics and political science. Returning home a famous scholar, Ambedkar practiced law for a few years before he began publishing journals advocating political rights and social freedom for India's untouchables.

Well I can go on mentioning his numerous deeds – well this page might fall short. For more info please refer to Wiki at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B._R._Ambedkar

Anyway I mention this because he is one of the heroes every Indian should feel proud of – these people were the ones who shaped up India as it evolves and grows today. But somehow the teachings and the learning’s from the sacrifices these great leaders made during our struggle for independence, somehow seem to have been lost in time.

I was on my way back to office from a quick dinner with my wife (it was our new year after all) – and I saw a huge din on the road i.e. on the intersection of M.G Road and Ambedkar road in the heart of Pune. Well I would not mind getting caught up in a procession meant to pay tribute to our heroes – what the major concern of dismay for me was hordes of youngsters hardly in their twenties swaying to some cheesy & cheap hindi songs and making wild gestures in air with all their limbs. An average American can identify the situation if on a peaceful Independence day procession up there, someone started playing Metallica or for that matter any kind of punk or rock music.

Shame on these people – while we take pride in the small but growing number of Indians leaving a mark globally in these modern times, I feel somehow sorry for the masses who somehow are clearly at a loss, hardly contributing to India’s economy or social wellbeing as a whole. When will the common man stop blaming the government for every small incident and take it upon themselves to create a better India. The beauty lies in self-creation – when an average Joe goes beyond the norms and creates his identity. No we are not an nuclear superpower (and I wonder if we ever will be), or have the largest oil reserves so that in the future we can hold the capitalist countries at ransom, nor we can always sustain a phenomenal growth rate – what we have is our people. They are I believe the key to India’s well-being in the future. This shift in the emphasis from natural resources to human resources is epochal – and must be recognized. If India wishes to shine better, it has to boost the marketability of its human resources. And not always can govt hold the key to this.

When will an average Indian learn, what pride is?

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change....not quite !!!

Well not quite. It’s New Year according to the Bengali calendar and things haven’t turned out quite rosy for me. Had to get up at 6 in the morning to help my better half with Pujas i.e. morning prayers (the usual norm on a day like this back home). Got to work and somehow the greetings from my colleagues all fell to deaf ears almost. I had a long day ahead of me – had to visit a temple in the evening and take my wife out for a dinner. That too, with a long list of queries and mails to be answered back in office. Boy I had a long day ahead of me.

My mind wandered back - around couple of years to be precise. We were discussing life with a couple of friends back at the Nescafe stall in IIT Delhi. One of my friends from engineering days, an architect who was doing his masters in Design from IIT Kanpur had dropped by and we were busy recollecting thoughts and sharing amusing anecdotes of life in campus when we got caught up on a discussion of things we had learnt from life. Scribbling on a piece of paper we tried to make a “dhobi-list” of things we as individuals have learnt and follow religiously in our lives ahead. And the fun we had that day…..

Things look so different today in perspective.

And then I realized nothing around the world has changed – the change has come in us that somehow leads us interpret the same things in a different way. The following small story might reinforce my idea…..

Once upon a time in a certain village in India there lived a guru. Every evening the guru would sit on his seat and deliver a lecture to the public. It so happened that the guru had a cat, and just at the time of giving the lecture the cat would create a big disturbance.

Being greatly annoyed by the cat, the guru decided to tie the cat to a tree before starting his lecture. So doing, the guru then delivered the lecture without disturbance. It worked so well that the guru regularly tied the cat to the tree before beginning his discourse.

After some years the guru died. His disciples carried on the guru’s program. They also continued tying the cat to the tree. When the cat died, they bought another cat and thus the ritual of tying a cat to a tree continued generation after generation.

In the fifth generation that followed the guru, one of the renowned followers wrote an elaborate treatise on the spiritual significance of tying a cat to a tree before beginning one’s studies of the scriptures.

“For the current of our spiritual life creeds, rituals and channels that may thwart or help, according to their fixity or openness. When a symbol or spiritual idea becomes rigidly elaborate in its construction, it supplants the idea which it should support.”

- Rabindranath Tagore

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the beauty of simplicity.....

"......the time has come to unleash the creative potential of our scientists and innovators at grassroots level. Only then we can make India truly self-reliant and a leader in sustainable technologies....propose a national foundation for helping innovators all over the country. This fund will build a national register of innovations, mobilize intellectual property protection, set up incubators for converting into viable business opportunities and help in dissemination across the country.''

This is what screams out loudly on the homepage of National Innovation Foundation. I was scouting through a pile of documents looking for a particular one when I suddenly came across a certificate that I had obtained from them during my MBA days at IIT Delhi – me and my team of 4 AV, KB & N reached the zonal finals of a b-school competition hosted by NIF & IIM Ahmedabad. How we reached & finals and that too managed to actually do the scouting in record time & submit the B-plan is a different story altogether.

I don’t remember the dates specifically but it was the second last day of entering the competition. That we registered – it was good till then. Then we sat on it for over 20 days thinking that one would finally take the initiative. Then with 6 days till deadline the panic bell rang. Two from the team decided to give it up and not submit the plans at all – while dutifully me and AV decided to go forward. The night we were supposed to leave for Rampur a remote town in UP, AV walked out citing some problems. Some insane force actually took over and in an hours time I was off with KB to the bus depot to somehow reach Rampur minus any concrete directions to it.

We managed to change a couple of buses & hitch a ride of a tempo and then take a hike for a couple of kilometers – reached our destination took the info of the ‘tile making machine’ and off we went. (It’s a different take that we took a detour to Nainital that afternoon and got back somehow to Delhi next morning – bouncing all night on the last seats of a dilapidated Volvo).

With 3 days till submission we were in a dilemma – the plan was on tile making machine.(figures are close approximations of what we obtained from the inventor)

Cost to setup = Rs 8000-12,000

Raw Materials = Rs 100 /day

No of tiles made = 50/day

Labour Charges = etc

Price of tile = 3 (approx including labour charges)

Cost of a similar tile in market = Rs 5-8

Cost advantage per tile = Rs 2-5

Now looking at the overall picture and the rural economic conditions we decided the best use would be for someone to set up a sort of small workshop with say 20-50 machines which then would not only provide steady employment to people in the locality (believe me the peoples’ economic condition in Rampur was deplorable), and our concept was supported by the inventor as well. Also although the cost advantage of Rs 2-5 per tile was huge one had to keep in mind logistics and sales costs. So individually selling tile making machines we found out was not a viable option at all.

Net-net we aired the same views in the competition and the entire crowd was appreciative of our logical conclusions (even the team that won gave us a standing ovation), but in the end we could not make it to the all-India finals because of the simple fact – we had gone out of scope. The B-plan was that of a “tile making machine”, and the judges contested that I should have prepared a plan that would have enabled them to sell these machines to individuals – how weak an argument when the per capita income is less than Rs 10,000. Just imagine that of uneducated simpletons in rural India. Take again in consideration sales & logistics costs – how would that be borne. These were questions they never addressed. Sigh………

Today I look back and the entire episode makes me smile – with due respect to the judges, I felt then and still feel that simplicity is often the key success factor in innovation. While in retrospect the business model would probably make sense with people with management degrees tweaking the business model every now & then making it complex at each stage to juice out efficiency, the end user who was the rural Indian would be completely at sea manufacturing the stuff, distributing it, and selling it subsequently. That to after spending a couple of years earnings for buying this machine.

Whoa!!! I never saw any sense in that then. Even now as I study various businesses and interact with various people both in and outside my company, this fact emerges every time that simple process planned & executed efficiently, was the indication of success in every organizational function.

“This single point of administration ultimately increases the simplicity of running complicated systems while reducing the cost of ownership a great deal. This is what enterprises are looking for and need”

- Don Becker

Maybe that’s why we are in business.

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